knick knack jack
by kie-chan214
Summary: hiccup's life is falling apart, only one friend in the world, but a surprise visit from an old pal chnges everything. my version of drop dead fred. jack's name is stll jack frost, i just couldn't think of a title. sucky summery
1. Chapter 1

He, this is a Hijack/toothcup version of the Movie Drop Dead Fred, some twists here and there, watch the movie, you can find it easy on youtube

-o-

Little7 year old Hiccup was lying in bed listening to his father, Stoic, a successful business man, read him a bed time story.

"and all the Vikings gathered round the table and threw a party to celebrate." Stoic finished to book on that line ready to get up and go to bed himself but hiccup interrupted him with a question.

"Did they live happily ever after?" Hiccup looked at his father tiredly as his large form walk to stand at the door frame.

"Of course they did" Stoic answered and started to walk away but was stopped by another question. Such a curious child.

"How do you know?" he stared at his father waiting for the question

"Because, they were good people and listened to their parents when they were younger" Stoic smiled but they both knew it was fake and forced. Ready to close the door at the last second he heard his son announce

"What a pile of shit" Stoic stare at his son in shock.

- (Time skip) -

Hiccup is now 20 years old and living a life of contentment. He had a job in court (I don't know what it is called but it's the dude that copies down what the people are saying), he has a nice apartment and he is currently trying to fix his relationship with his wife Astrid.

He was wearing his usual outfit of a long sleave grass green shirt, faded loose jeans and his fur boots

(Hiccup's pov because when I wrote it, I kept forgetting to do it in third person)

"Oh Astrid, this is really important to me, I forgive you okay," i rehearsed to i while sitting in my car outside Astrid's work place "I love you"  
i looked at myself in the mirror "it hurts even more when I say it out loud"

i got out of my car and continued to practice my speech as i walked into the auto shop (not the one where they fix the cars the one where they sell them). i walked in side and right up to Astrid.

"Astrid!" I said strongly but still my timid self, she turned to him with a surprised look. i tried to speak the speech i had rehearsed but my small voice was unheard to Astrid who rudely talked over me.

"Hiccup," she said with fake kindness and endearment "you should be having lunch on your lunch hour"

She rubbed her hands up and down my arms. I tried to speak again

"Let me just finish what I was trying to say I jus-"but he was rudely cut off by her again

"Well you agreed" she said spreading her arms out almost like she was asking for a hug "I mean you did more than agree, it was your idea"

I was still trying to talk but I just stood there flapping my mouth open and closed like an idiot.

"and you were right, you were absolutely right, we can't go on" I was confused, what was happening, but before I could ask she continued "sooner or later, one of us has got to do something really positive, for once in our life for both our sakes, and YOU did it" she emphasized

"I did" I didn't understand, she was the one who wanted to split, wasn't she?  
"Yeah" she smiled

"Wait" I said voicing my confusion "since when was it my idea"

"The best thing is for me to go" she 'quoted' me "go and live with Snotlout"

"Oh, Astrid, I don't think I said that" I shook my head

"Yes" she urged me to believe so I went with it, she probably knew more than me

"I did?" I started to believe her

"Yes" she sighed

"Snotlout, that's his name? God I didn't know that, all I know is what you did with him on our sofa" I cast my eyes downwards in hurt.

"Oh Hiccup, I'm sorry" she whined fake look of apology set ion her face, but I couldn't see it and if I had I would have thought of it as real " I couldn't help myself, I've smitten by Snotlout"

I raise my head to look her I the eye as she spoke of this horrible person who broke our marriage

"Bewitched by him, I have been pounded flat on the envelop of love like a piece of viel with salad on top" she said while I play with the pretty necklace with a bear tooth on it that was wrapped around her neck. Our 'moment was interrupted by a young man who had asked to take a car for a test drive.

Once Astrid and the man had left, I swung into action following them in my car, once I caught up to them they had brought down the sun roof.

I tried again to say my speech, and when I spoke she turned to look at me in surprise and annoyance

"Astrid his is really important to me" but she cut me off again.

"Hiccup, lets not do all this 'good bye I never want to see you again' stuff" what was she talking about I wanted to patch things up with her "because we will want to see each other again, I mean two years! We aren't going to trow away two years are we?"

At that moment I felt my stomach drop, but I for gave her immediately and explained to her "it was three year, in June"

Then they drove away.

I went to find the nearest phone box so I could talk to the only person who would listen to me, Fishlegs.

I pulled up on the opposite side of the street to the phone booth I had spotted.

I ran over and dialled in his number forgetting to grab my wallet as I explained to Fishlegs what had happened.

"Fishlegs, that's what he said, he said, well that's what he said" I argued with him over the line not noticing the weirdo walking over to my car until the phone booth pointed that I had to feed it another quarter "hang on I think I left my wallet in the car"

I look over to see the my car being drove away by someone who is obviously not me.

"that's my car!" I shout

-0-

A/n: good? Continue?

I need feedback, jack will come in next chapter, that is if you want one


	2. Chapter 2

A/n: yo, what is up I am continuing until the police catch me. And they never will….

Any ways, I'm sure you didn't come to read this so ear you go

Oh wait, I would like to clarify that they all look the same as they do in the movies despite the age, and Jack is roughly the same age as hiccup now, when hiccup was a kid, jack was still 20-22 okay?

And toothless is anthro-toothless, so he's human

-o-

The large doors made a loud protest to alert the assembly of my arrival. I felt incredibly awkward about having interrupted the meeting.

"I'm so sorry your honour" I say walking quickly to the front "I lost my money, my car, my wife"

"All in one lunch hour" the judge nods, obviously disbelieving

"Yeah" I sigh knowing I must sound insane

"Do what I did, plead insanity" said the man in the stand, everyone coursed with laughter then the judge ordered the court into silence

I sat at my little typewriter and started to type the man's alibi- statement I meant to think statement, when the judge called me to the table.

"I'm sorry" I say with my head bowed

"So am I" he said "you're fired" and I can add job to one of the many things I lost today

- (Time skip) -

I had packed up what little things I had in my small cubical and was on my way to the door when I tripped over a brown leather case someone had put in the middle of the walk way and dropped all my stuff. I was waiting for the impact of the cold marble ground, I should know I've fallen on it enough, but instead I felt two large arms encircle my tiny waist. I look up to see a man about the same age as me but he was well built, tan skin, at least six foot and hypnotising green eyes. It all seemed so familiar.

He helped e straighten up

"Thank you" I smile at him but quickly crouch down to fix my box of items

"Are you okay" he asks in a deep rumbling voice as he bent down to help me

"Uh-huh" I nod head down

"Hiccy?" he asked trying to get a better look at my face, and I look up at him in surprise "Hiccup Haddock, I'm Tomas, Toothless Fury; we use to live down the street from each other when we were kids, little kids"

Realisation dawned upon me "Toothless!" I say happily.

We had most of my things back into the box and we were almost finished

"Goodness, it's been thirteen years" I reach for the last thing and shove it into the box "do you work here?"

"No" he answered simply

"Neither do I" I go back into my depression for a second

"No, I had a divorced here" he answered and I look at him in shock

"Divorce?" I say in a questioning tone

"Yeah" Toothless replied looking down

"Ugh" I grunt chucking something I was holding into the box "I don't like that word, you gotta work thing through, if you don't wanna get, sigh, divorced"

"Hmm," he hummed in agreement "well, I gave it my best try, Hiccy, but, uh, we've been separated for two years now"

"Oh" I nod

"But the good thing about it is, I got to keep my son," he said pulling out a picture of a boy that must represent his mother because he doesn't have any of Toothless's features "It's Jamie" (Jamie bennet, just to clarify who you picture)

"Huh, he's handsome" I smile handing back the paper, glad my friend got to keep his child

"Yeah, he's adorable" he smiles at the picture before looking back at me, why are we still sitting in this walk way "he's a lot to handle though, she's a lot like you use to be"

"Like me?" I look at him confused

"Yeah" he says softly

"What do you mean?" I ask tilting my head slightly as we finally stood up

"Don't you remember what you did to my grandmother?" he grins at me

"I didn't do anything to your grandmother" I scoff

"Oh" he scoffs back in amusement "you said the same thing back then, you said that jack did it"

I stood there confused for a second before it clicked into place

"Jack Frost" I say with a smile

- (Flash back to what happened to Toothless's grandma) -

Granma Fury was in her gardening wear tending to the weeds in her back yard garden that sat along the fence

"Oh, Grandma Fury" I sang and as she turned around she was drenched with yellow paint

Oh the look on her face

- (End flash back) -

I chuck and repeat

"Jack Frost" and bit my lip

"you know, I used to pretend I had an imaginary friend, no one believed me" he wave the folder he had In his hand around gesturing to what he was saying " do you remember the time you and Jack came over to borrow my father's electric shaver?"

I search for the memory and I was not disappointed

"Huh" I sigh "yes"

- (Flash back) -

Jack was holding a cat in one hand and the shaver in the other, he went into the other room with a fuzzy Persian type feline, you hear a buzz and loud meows of protest and see some hair fly from the open door and he came back out to show a cat with a poodle hair cut

- (End flash back) -

"You must have thought I was crazy" I grin

"No, no, no" he protests "not at all, I believed you, it was just that no one else could see him, except you"  
"oh, he was so real" I say as I start to walk slowly down the hall and Toothless picked up the brown case I tripped on and walked with me

"Oh he was real alright" he agreed as he matched my pace "Really out of control"

"No" I say in Jacks defence "not always, only when my father was…" I cut myself off looking for the right words to say as I stop and face toothless but then I looked down "well, you know"

"Hey" he say catch my attention making me look at him "we were all a little afraid of your Father" he leaned towards me as a sign of comfort

"Not Jack, no he always stood up for me" I smile and start to walk again

"Hey that's what friends are for" Toothless smiles before resting a hand on my box to stop me "even imaginary ones"

Then we said our good byes as we reached the door, I walked over to the fountain in front of the building and sat waiting for Fishlegs

When Fishlegs walked up to me, I looked up from playing with my fingers as he sat beside me

"I realised you're feeling pretty conflicted right now" he says calmly and I stand and grab my things

"I feel awful" I clarify as we started to walk away

"I did this self-actualising ritual and basically it taught us that pain is your friend, it's your humanity, pain makes you interesting" Fishlegs is Being Fishlegs again

"Oh, Fishlegs" I sigh knowing this is going to blow over quick if I co-operate with him

"I mean look at Elvis" he says

"Yeah, but didn't Elvis kill himself?" what a terrible example, I think as we stoped walking

"yes, but he was very famous before he did" this isn't helping at all " now I want you to do some affirmations with me"

"Fishlegs!" I say in protest

"Come on, just do it with me" he pushes, I didn't say anything so he took it as a 'go for it' and closed his eye expecting me to follow suit "now surround yourself with light" he paused "are you surrounded?"

I glanced up at the sun "yeah, I'm surrounded"

"Alright, now repeat after me" he instructs his eyes still sealed "I don't need a man to complete my life"

"I don't need a man to complete my life" I parrot, humouring him

"I'm perfect that way that I am"

"I'm perfect the way that I am" complete lie

"And I hate Astrid" he said

"And I hate Astrid" well that made me feel sick to my stomach

Fishlegs opened his eyes and asked

"don't you feel better?"

I look away from his face pretending to think and look back

"No" then I laugh at myself for being so stupid " I love her, I really do"

- ( time skip) -

I walked into my apartment with Fishlegs following behind spouting something about choice. I noticed a packed trunk sitting at the end of the hall, as I turn onto the kitchen both me and Fishlegs come to a halt.

My Father was there

"I heard" said Stoic

"hello, Father" I say simply and walk past her putting down the box of stuff from my office

" I, uh. I came as soon as I heard, good thing I have a key to this apartment" Stoic says grabbing the box I put down and carrying it towards the pill of trunks I had saw

"Hello Mister Haddock" Fishlegs said in such away demanding my Fathers attention "he's going to be alright, he just needs some nurturing, that's all", you know, give him a little cuddle"

As he says this we all know it's not going to happen

"Heh" Stoic chuckles looking at me "Cuddling is for teddy bears, Hiccup, I've packed your things you're coming home with me"

"NO I'm staying here tonight Father" I protest but falling dead to his ears as he walked away with a few of the trunks and down the hall

"you see Astrid is coming back tonight and he just-" Fishlegs tried to explain but Stoic walked right past us

"yeah, I just wanted to be here when she came" I finished for Fishlegs

"DON'T disagree with your father son" Stoic ordered

"I'm staying here tonight!" I say strongly, but when my Dad looked at me I looked down and played with a few strands of my hair "I'm staying here tonight" I say again with less certainty and strength to Fishlegs

But arguing was pointless because my Father took my things and dragged me to my childhood home anyway. Once we go there, he instructed me not to touch the l carpet in the living room; it is three hundred years old and very expensive with Viking heritage in it.

"Take your things upstairs" he instructed " I made up your bed"

"Oh" I say back not really listening

"Oh? That's all you say to me?" He said as thought he was incredibly insulted "is oh?"

"Thank you, father " I say continuing to walk up the stairs practically dragging the suit case

"That's a good boy" like he's talking to a dog

Once I got to my room I look around and note that nothing has changed. I put the trunk on my bed and sat on it. I then decided to look in my walk-in cupboard and found a shelf with a door up high. I opened the door only to be attacked by my old toys. I looked down at the fallen toys and one really stood out to me.

The Jack-in-a-box

I took it over to my window and examined it. The strange thing about it is that it had duct tape around it. To seal it shut. I put it down on the sill. I was too tired to think about this. So I lay down and cry my self to sleep.

- (Dream) -

I was five, I was crying in bed when the light turned on and there was a rustling under my pillow. A long arm wrapped in a blue hoodie came out and the hand wacked me on the forehead so I jumped under the blankets

- (End dream) -

I woke with a start and sat up holding my head. i get ready to go back to sleep before I noticed a glass of water on the night stand so I take a sip the I hear a tune

Bum bum

I look over at the Jack in the box and sure enough the handle starts to spin. On its own playing pop goes the weasel. At high speeds

I put my glass of water down and turn on my lamp. As soon as the lights on the spinning and the song stopped, And slowly started to go around one note at a time

I got up out of bed and walked cautiously over to the toy. I pick it up and sat back on my bed then started to rip off the tape, slowly but it was going and when it did, something burst out the 'Jack' part and bounced around the room only to stop under my bed.

But when I looked there was nothing there. Confused I sat back up. And when I did someone screamed boo in my ear so did the most manly thing I could… I screamed like a little girl. I turned and came face to face with my imaginary friend

Jack frost

**A/n:** sorry about the slowness of my updating. I hope to update again soon. But I am about to get off holidays and I have another fic I am almost finished so please bear with me and thanks for your co-operation


	3. Chapter 3

"Fishbone" he yelled happily, my old nickname, and then looked me up and down with a disgusted look on his face "yuck! What happened to you? Look at you! You're all older, you're even uglier!"  
I stared at him

"Ugh!" he exclaimed "I'm sorry I'm going to have to be sick all over you immediately, lay down" he said pushing me back onto the bed

"Ah" I say in an attempt to scream

"Hang on!" Jack said jumping over me and running into the cupboard "where's all the toys"

I gasp completely and utterly shocked "Jack Frost "my brain is not working properly right now

"Where's all the toys? I wanna play with the toys" he demands like a petulant child throwing everything that is in his way out of the cupboard and at me "Ah! The dolls!"

He picks up two baby toys from the pile.

"Hello Jemima, Hello Angelique! "Jack imitates the voices of the dolls in a high pitch girly voice "Hello! You're going to die!" he yells at them in his normal voice then proceeds to rip off their heads.

After he finished destroying two of my childhood toys he went on to my favourite monkey.

"Mr Pooh!" he yells in excitement

"Hello!" he squeaks in a high voice to converse with the toy

"You die, too!" he informed the monkey

"No, no, no!" he squeaks as the mister poo

"Yes, yes, yes!" then he proceeds to tear apart my sock monkey

"Aah! My intesti-ines! Not my intestines! Waaaah!" he squealed

"Duh-eh-duh!" yells jack as he shows off his finished project

"I must be dreaming." I say _it's the only explanation I mean, this is my childhood imaginary friend, there is something wrong with me no wonder Astrid didn't want me_

In my mental state of depression jack kept walking around in a circle. Looking for something

"Where's the fire truck? Where are the rest of the toys?" Jack asked exasperated and annoyed

"They're gone. I'm, I'm grown-up." I say addressing Jack for the first time, I'm nuts. It's settled

"Grown-up?" Jack looks shocked

"Uh-huh." I answer absent-mindedly

"Grown-up?" Jack says accusingly and glares at me for a moment before his face breaks out in a grin "Gre-eat!" he draws out "That means there's a load of grown up things to smash! Come on!" He grabbed my arm and pulled me out of my old room.

He ran me to the stairs let go of my arm, looped his leg over the railing of the stairs and slid down

"Wheeeeee-" he stared to coarse before he crashes in to the ornament at the bottom _good on him, ruin any vague chance of him ever having kids_

"Who put that there?" he groans in pain as he hopped off the railing "Oh, I forgot to give you something!" he yells in excitement

He then picks his nose and wipes something down my cheek and laughing at me and running outside.

I wait in the hall thinking better to stay here then to be out there as he finds what he's looking for.

"Where is it? Oh, come on, there must be some around here somewhere. Oh, there it is!" I hear him yell from my neighbour's garden

Jack was humming to himself as he walked towards me… on his hands. This is not going to be good.

"Mind your backs. Careful, don't..." he says to himself

He stops outside the front room and points to his bare feet towards it

"I've got some dog pooh, right here." He makes a head gesture to his feet

He leaps over the string into the living room and begins treading deliberately on the carpet and furniture. _Dear god I'm fucked my dad can and will kill me._

"Dog poo, dog poo, lovely, lovely dog poo! Dog poo on the cha-air! All along the side, all up there. Lovely, lovely smelly dog poo!" Jack sings to himself rubbing said poo everywhere

I didn't hear dad come to the top of the stairs

"Hiccup?" yelled Dad from the top of the stairs

"Yeah, it's me, father. I'm, I'm just getting a... a glass of water." _ Why am I such a shit liar?_

"Uh-huh. Well, uh, mind the carpet." Says Dad _oh okay, fuck me as long as the carpet is fine_

"Hey, Fishbone look! Ink! Let's write something on the carpet. I know, yeah, let's write 'Daddy dear sucks'!" Jack laughs at his 'ingenious' plan

"No, wait a minute!" I stop him

I carefully walk on the carpet.

"I have a better idea, let's play a game." I say carefully coaxing him away from the ink and my death switch.

"A game?" Jack says liking the idea

"Yeah, a game like we used to in the old days?" I say gently as not to set off the bomb

"A game! Okay, great! Uh-uh-uh, but not dolls. Not dolls, right? Cause, uh, we're grown-ups now." He winked at me

"No, not dolls. How about hide-and-seek?" I suggest softly

"Great! I LO-OVE hide-and-seek!" Jack and his screaming, surprised I'm not deaf

"Great, maybe you should give me that inkwell first." _Yes give me the bottle that my life depends on so I can spill it myself_

"Sure." He looked at it as he answered. He puts the lid on it and holds it out "Yeah?" Just as I reach for it he responded by throwing it across the room "Catch!"

I dive forward onto the dog pooh covered carpet and catch the inkwell before it spills

"Nice catch!" _yeah you bastard "_Okay, close your eyes and count to a million. I'm going to hide in a place where you'll never ever find me, buh bye."

He leaps out of the room and runs away

"Four, five... what am I doing?" I say watching him leave"what am I doing?" I sigh

A/n: I know I know I suck. I'm so sorry to anyone who's reading.

I will update much faster I swear on zombie. Bride's sobriety


	4. Chapter 4

A/n: in this story Stoic it just a 'little' bit feministic

*next morning*

I pushed myself up in bed, but there's no sign of Jack Frost. It might have been a dream after all. I walk down stairs only to find my father scrubbing at the newly coloured carpet. Maybe it wasn't a dream after all.

"Oh boy." I say ducking my head low _well; at least the ink isn't there_

"I don't know what to say. I didn't want anybody to walk on my carpet." Dad exaggerated, you could hear that he was upset

"Yeah, I know. " I say head bowed like a scolded puppy

"But here I am scrubbing away at what can only be described as dog... mess. Honestly, Hiccup, you're not even back for a day and you're behaving like a five year old."

I walk to the kitchen and started to make two cups of coffee. Dad walks passed the kitchen doorway acting somewhat disgusted as he holds his cleaning things away from himself.

"Father, do you remember when I was little I had this friend, he was make believe?" I ask him, hoping that I'm not absolutely mad

"No." he informed me but was obviously lying, I see where I got the suckish lying from

"Don't you remember? I was the only one who could see him." I look towards the door way

"No, I don't remember Jack Frost at all." Dad says as he walks in

He forces a smile and turns away again.

I take my cup and move over to the table. With a noise resembling the tune of the jack-in-the-box, Jack appears in the doorway, picking his nose

"Morning! Who's for snot flicking?" Jack yells unnecessarily

He removes his finger from his nose with his prize and flicks it towards the other cup. There is a splash...

"I hid all night in the stupid garden shed and you didn't even bother coming to look for me." He opens his mouth to say more, but Dad walks by at that point.

"Oh my God! Is it? It is! THE SPAZTIC AZTEC! Let me have Him" he disappears

"Is this for me?" asks dad pointing to the snot filled coffee

Jack suddenly repapered next to my Dad "Get me an axe. No, no! Get me a chainsaw; I'm going to slice Him into tiny pieces."

"Father, are you going to be doing any gardening today?" I ask trying to ignore Jack

Jack leans towards Dad as he speaks

"Well, it is a lovely day for it." Dad said, as he spoke Jack sniffed his breath

Jack pretends to choke and fall back.

"The Death Breath! He killed me with the Death Breath!" He makes the sign of the cross and holds it to Dad "Be gone, Evil One! Ooh!"

Dad moves to the refrigerator, and Jack follows him

"Hey, maybe there's a stake in there, we can drive it right through his heart!" Jack says pushing his head in to look but Dad closes the door. I watch perplexed as Jacks neck stretches as he pulls against the fridge as best he can. Eventually, he manages to escape. Relieved, he grins and wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. Looking confused, he does the action again, feel the sides of his head and screams. His head has been squashed flat.

"My head! The Spaztic Aztec squashed my head! The Spaz! He squashed my head! The Evil One reigns supreme!" Jack yells indignantly

He has an idea and blows into his thumb to make his head pop back into shape like in a cartoon. It fails and he falls to the floor. He tries pressing and pushing at either side of his face until it eventually falls back into shape. He wipes his forehead again. Dad is loading the dishwasher beside Jacks fallen form. With an evil grin, Jack slides over to Dad on his back and lies in-between his legs.

"Wow..." Jack says as he looks up Dads kilt, god I wish he wouldn't wear it, Jack points up his kilt and looks to me "Cobwebs!"

I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" dad asks as he straightens and turns towards me

"Nothing. Would you come sit here with me, Father?" I ask a little awkwardly before whispering harshly to Jack "Go away!"

"What? You want me to go away?" he asks feigning hurt "Alright, fine! Say the magic words and I'll piss off!"

"Piss off!" I announce loudly

"Gotcha! Those weren't the magic words!" he says in a nyaa-nyaa type of voice

"What did you say to me?" dad says in a somewhat horrid voice

"He told you to piss off, what are you, deaf?" Jack mocked dad in a condescending voice

"I said... I said 'piss off', but I did not say it to you." _Wow that sounded a lot less crazy in my head… wait, my head is broken_

"Well, it's no wonder Astrid left you. You see, you just don't know how to make a marriage work." Dad said every word like a knife into my soul

"You got married?" Jack yelled outraged "You mean you've been doing it like the pigeons? No! Yuck!"

He disappears, and i can hear his voice outside. I ran to the window to see him attacking pigeons with a spade.

"There they are! Which one of you taught Hiccup how to do it? I'm talking to you! Whoever taught Hiccy how to do it is going to get flattened right now! You! Come back!" Jack yelled whacking away

I ran outside to stop him.

"He's absolutely insane." Dad says watching me

Once I got to the garden.

"Pigeon pie for you!" Jack yelled at the birds

"Jack, stop!" I ran and stopped a few feet away from him

"So you got married. Fishbone grew up and got married." Jack said, looking sad and disappointed

"Jack, what are you doing here?" I ask feeling exhausted

"I'm stuck! Because you're stupid, ugly, fat grown-up wife has gone and left you, so you're all alone and you're all unhappy. So I have to come back and I can't get home again until you're happy, so why don't you get happy?" He yells and smacks me on the head with the spade.

I hold my head and groan in pain "Okay, the only thing what could possibly make me happy would be getting Astrid back." We both sit on the garden chair

"Alright then, well let's get Astrid back then. I'll help you." Jack says like it's just 1…2…3

"Okay. " I laugh "You'll help me?" I scoff

"Yeah, I'll help you." Jack, using that once again using that basic tone

"When have you ever helped me?" I scoff again

"All the time, that's what I do, that's what, I'm Jack, I help you!" Jack answers obviously offended

"You've never helped me, Jack."

"Excuse me, yes I have!" he argued

"Did not." _Wow, genius response Hiccup, so much for being a grown-up_

"Did so!"

"You did not!"

"I did."

"You didn't! "

"I did!"

"Did not!"

"Yes, I did!"

"Did not! Did not! Did not!" I repeat over and over like a broken record using my most annoying voice

"I did, I- "Jack tried to speak but I cut him off

"Did not!" I yelled over him

"I DID!"

"Did not!"

"I did!"

"Did not!"

"I did!"

"Did not, did not, did not!" using my annoying voice again

"Yes I- right, that's it, I hate you!" Jack jumps to his feet and kicks me in the shin

"Oww!"

"Goodbye forever! I hope you die horribly!" He runs to the road

"Oh Fred! Come back." I yell after him following him to the edge of the street

"If you don't want me anymore, well fine! I'll just throw myself in front of the first..." he turns around to check the traffic. A fire truck is driving up behind him "...fire truck that I can see."

"Jack..." I say warily

"You're going to be sorry!" Jack yells at me

"Go ahead." I told my arms across my chest

Jack holds out his arms and waits for the fire truck. As it comes closer, he turns around to watch it approach. Screaming, he covers his eyes. The fire truck drives straight on, and only the brown boots he took to wearing today stand where he used to be. I turn back to the road.

"What have I done?" I ask myself

A/n: do you all forgive me. The next chapter shall be up soon. Tell me any mistakes I make and I will do my best to fix them

See you all soon, please review


	5. Chapter 5

A/n: We travel into Hiccups memory. And go…

(Third-person perspective)

Jack is looking through a doll house resembling Stoic's real house. He grins and stands up, turning the light on. A five-year old Hiccup is asleep in his bed. Jack - wearing a blue jumper covered with painted on stripes - moves over to the bed and shakes his lightly.

"Wake up. Fishbone, wake up. Wake up! Wake up, wake up!" Jack shakes the bed next to Hiccup's sleepy form

"What is it?" Hiccup asks in a 'duuude, it's three in the morning' type of voice

"It's time to play burglars." Jack jump excitedly

"Real burglars?" that woke Hiccup up

"Real burglars." Jack confirmed "The kind that wear sweaters and buster browns. Look! Da da da da da da daaa!" He pulls something from under his jumper

"I made your sweater stripy!" Jack shows the ruined green jumper

Jack and Hiccup sneaking around downstairs. Both are wearing their stripy sweaters as they peek into the kitchen. Jack shines a torch around the room until he sees the rubbish bin.

"Great!" he exclaims

"What is it?" Hiccup tilts his head in confusion

"Look, it's a burglar bag!" He pulls the garbage out of the bin in a rubbish bag

Stoic and Valhallarama asleep upstairs. Valhallarama jumps at the noise Jack is making and sits up

"Stoic? Stoic, I think I heard something." Val shakes Stoic

Down stairs Jack and Hiccup are shaking flour over the garbage, now strewn across the kitchen

"What are we doing this for?" Hiccup was confused as to why dumping flour on the ground is what burglars do

"Clues!" Jack Burst excitedly "Okay, it's perfect. Let's go. We'll steal gold and we'll steal silver and we'll steal jewels and we'll hide them all in a place where no one will ever find them, including us!"

"Promise?" Hiccup looked hopefully into Jacks eyes, believing in the nonsense that he promised

"I promise" Jack holds out his pinkie finger and Hiccup shakes it with his

Jack starts raiding through the kitchen drawers. He pulls out handfuls of cutlery and shoves them into the rubbish bag.

"Let's go, burglar!"

Hiccup takes a china teapot off the dining room table

"This is very expensive." Hiccup said looking at Jack

"then we'd better be very careful." Jack grinned

The Hiccup dropped the teapot carelessly into the bag, and hear a smashing noise

Stoic and Val both jumping up in bed at the noise.

"What was that?"

"What was that?"

Jack and Hiccup ran from the kitchen to the living room. Hiccup is struggling to carry the large bag, which keeps scraping against the floor

"Sh! Sh! Sh!" Jack warned in the living room, Jack grabs items off the desk.

"Hey, Fishbone!" He then takes the torch and shines it on his own face "Look at this!" He makes scary noises as he turns around. He shines the torch on Hiccup to see his reaction, but panics as he notices a vase of flowers beside him.

"Oh no! Gladiolas!" Jack yells noticing the flowers the Hiccup is allergic to

Hiccup sneezes and causes Jack to fly back into the dining room

"Are you alright, Jack?" Hiccup took a few hesitant steps forwards

"Yes, I'm alright." Jack says from the dinning room

Meanwhile Stoic and Val. Stoic is dialling a number on the telephone

"Hello? Hello police?" Stoic whispers in panic into the receiver

"Are they there?" Val whispers holding on to Stoics shoulder

"Yeah," Stoic answers his wife "hello? Hello?"

"Give them the address"

Stoic opens his mouth to say something, but she cuts him off

"Tell them there's a burglar" Val says urgently

Back with Hiccup and Jack

"Okay, buddy, what should we steal now?" Jack asks out of things to steal

"How about the telephone?" Hiccup suggests

"Yeah, good idea! That's probably where the diamonds are hidden." Jack grins

"Yeah, great idea!" Hiccup squeals

Jack pulls the entire phone cord out of the wall

Back with Stoic and Val.

Stoic hits the hang up button a few times, trying to re-establish the connection

"Hello?" all stoic get for a reply is a long *beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

"What's the matter? Where'd they go?" Val nervously asks

"Hello?"

"Where'd they go?" they repeat

"They cut the phone line." Stoic says to Val who goes hysteric

"Oh my God!"

Back with Jack and Hiccup

"Now it's time to make our get-away through here." Jack points to the large window

they walk over to the window

"Now, opening a window requires great sophisticatedliness..." Jack puffs up his chest

"Uh-huh." Hiccup say hesitantly

"So I'd better do it, okay?" Jack had the need to clarify that he was more sophisticated

"Okay." Hiccup steps back

Jack pulls something out of his pocket and attacks the window with it.

"Oh, I love those breaking noises!" Jack smiled

Upstairs they didn't know any better, so the only rational thing to do is stand in the room and scream

"Oh my God!" Val exclaimed

"Sh..." Stoic tried to calm his wife

"I'm having a heart attack!" Val overreacted

"Sh! Sh" Stoic wills his wife to be quite as he opens the door slowly and the hinges squeak.

"Sh!" Val says

He tries again, and the door squeaks

"SH!" Val was riding on his last nerve

In the front garden. The space where the window used to be. The rubbish bag is thrown out of it, followed by Jack who then lifts out Hiccup.

"Okay." Jack nods at his handy work

"Come on, Jack!"

"Right, let's do it!" Jack leaps over the porch rail and Hiccup runs down the porch steps. We can see a thread of her sweater is caught on a shard of glass from the window

Jack empties the bag onto the lawn "Okay, we'll bury the treasure here then no one will find it." They begin digging "Uh oh, we got company"

A police car pulls up outside the house and two police officers step out

"I think we've been found out." Jack tells hiccup as he pulls him back to hide in the bushes

The policemen run over to the door. The first knocks but there's no answer

"Kick it in." the second officer commands

One kick, the door opens and they step inside

"What should we do?" Jack panics

"Let's make a run for it." Hiccup Giggles

"No, no, it's too late for that now. Fishbone, I'm going to take the rap. Alone." Jack bravely steps up to take the punishment for his ward (for those who don't know a ward is the name for responsibility of a caregiver)

"No." Hiccup denies the statement, Jack is his best friend, and they should both go.

"Yes. Give me the guilty sweater." Jack hold out his hand for the evidence

"No!" Hiccup runs away

"Give..." Jack reaches to try and stop him, but only catches the loose thread, unravelling faster as he runs away

"Fishbone!"

Val and Stoic upstairs.

They see a policeman walking up the stairs and assume he is the burglar. Stoic tries to do something, but Val pulls him back.

As the policeman reaches the top of the stairs, Stoic pounces at him and both fall back down

"Stoic, don't die!" Val yells

Back outside, another police car pulls up

"Right, I want you to tell them loud and clear and proud, 'Jack frost did it'. I'm no coward." Jack orders

"I don't want to." Hiccup pouts

"Just do it, No Brain." Fred tsks. The policeman runs up the path "Go on!"

Holding out the ball of yarn that was his sweater "Jack Fro- ..." The policeman runs straight past him "Jack Frost..." The next policeman does the same thing

"I didn't say it right. Jack?" He turns around to look for said friend, who was now hiding in a tree "Hey, I thought you weren't a coward?"

"I'm not!" Jack disagrees before asking in a shaky voice "Are they gone?"

Policemen drag Stoic out of the house with Val chasing after them, Stoic mid-rant

"Why are you taking me? It's all a mistake!"

"Stoic…" Val said calm, now that there was no threat to her little boy

"I am calling our lawyer immediately!" Stoic raged on

"Stoic, Stoic, It will all be fine by tom-"

"Valhallarama, why aren't you going to stop them? Valhallarama, we are pillars of the community!"

"Get a grip!" Val yells at her husband

"What will the neighbours think?" Stoic gasped

Jack pulls Hiccup up into the tree and they watch the commotion going on below

"Maybe Daddy's right, I never do anything right." Hiccup sighs

"So what? What are you saying that for? You're great! He's not. He's always fighting with your Mum; He's always calling you horrible things. Look, you've got to be what you want to be. Don't you ever be like him? Promise?" Jack smiles softly

"Promise." Hiccup smiles back

"Okay." Jack holds out his pinkie but Hiccup twists it and laughs

"Oww!" Jack yells indignantly

"Gotcha, Jack!" Hiccup grins

Jack picks his nose and wipes it down the young boys cheek

"Hey!" Hiccup giggled

He smiles and hugs her as the image fades. The police sirens grow louder and finally turn into the receding wails of the fire truck.

Hiccup older again, runs forward onto the road

Tbc

A/n: hey won't be able to update for a bit due to school. Just started again, bloody tired. And they booked me with assignments


	6. Chapter 6

"Hiccup! What are you doing? Get dressed, we're late!" Dad yelled at me

"Father, can we talk about when I was little?" I look pleadingly at him

"We haven't got time for that, we have got to get you back with Astrid and I'm the one to do it. Now, let's go." Dad walked out the door.

Next thing I know I was sitting in a chair at the hair dressers getting my hair done. They took my shoulder length hair (a little longer than in the movie and his fringe is combed back) and did it back into a plat, like Stoic's. I can feel the uncertain look that has overcome my face

"There, see what I mean? You look wonderful!" Stoic grinned

Then I was suddenly at a men's cologne store, they spray me with so much shit I honestly cannot tell the difference.

"Now Hiccup, don't worry, all these products are cruelty free." Stoic grins at his son "No, no, no. You see, I think it should definitely be more like mine. You know? More manly"

I honestly think that my dad has some sort of teleportation power because I am now in a dressing booth in the same cloths he wears, a whit button down shirt with a kilt and matching sash. A kilt… I was horrified. Dad pulls back the curtain and grins.

"Oh yeah! Much more grown-up. Astrid is going to love this." He comments

Once they got home stoic open the door and I walked in to see a note lying on the floor as we walk in. ad picked it up.

"Oh a note, Hiccup, to you."

"It's from Astrid." I gasp as I read the names

"More bad news, no doubt." Dad, ever the optimist

I open the letter and read it out loud

"Dear Lizzie, I came by but no one was here, so I thought I'd leave this note. I miss our mornings..." I read out going to a flashback

_Hiccup and Astrid getting ready for work _

_(V.O. of Astrid)"I miss our mornings." _

_Hugging Astrid from behind I inform her "You can't go to work today." _

"_Oh, I love you, darling, but I've got to go." Astrid smiles _

_I drag her from the mirror "No, they called and said you..." _

_(V.O. of Astrid)" All the little games we used to play."_

_We were making dinner, I hug her from behind helping her cut the vegetables and I knick her with the blade _

_(V.O. of Astrid)"You have the softest touch." _

_We sat by the fire place drinking wine _

_(V.O. of Astrid)"You're like a Lynch Bages 83, a fine wine that's sure to age well." _

_(V.O. of Astrid and hiccup): Please come home. _

_End flashback _

"I'll wait for you at our apartment", at last she wants to talk!

"Well, it's more than your Mother did when he left. Does he say anything else?"

"Uh, just one more thing: "love Charlie". " I grin and run out the door

I got to the apartment and opened the door, excited all the way through

"Astrid? Honey?" I glance around taking the keys out of the door

I walk over to the mirror and began fixing my cloths.

"Boo!" Jack yelled as he appears in front of me and I do the most manly and reasonable thing to do, I screamed

Jack had the gawk to laugh at me "Shit yourself?"

"God, I thought you were dead!" I exaggerate the words I felt guilty for noting and he comes back to do something like that

"Hey, it takes more than a fire truck to stop Jack Frost." He does some weird little dance

"Yeah well, you're going to have to leave because I'm expecting Astrid." I smile euphorically

"Oh, expecting Astrid?" Jack nods

"Yeah." I nod

"That's important. I'd better go then, hadn't I?" Jack says but I don't take note of the tone he was using, a knowing tone

"Mm-hmm." I hum

"There's just one little problem. Astrid isn't coming." Jack grins

"What do you mean?" three little words shattered my heart

"I wrote the note!" Jack laughs "Haven't got a wife! Haven't got a wife! Got a stupid hairdo! Oh, look at my horrid stupid hairdo everybody! Nya-nya-nya-nya! Looks just like his father, another little Spaz"

He realizes I am generally upset, when he sees me sitting with my head bowed on the lounge, and sat with me

"Hey, it was only a joke." I slide away from him "Just a joke." He slide closer and I slid away "Fishbone? It was just a joke!" he pressed himself against me and I had no more room to slide "Come on... hey look! Look, look! Da da da da da da da da!" He folds the top of his ear inside his ear canal then pops it back out and gives me the thumbs-up sign as if it's supposed to help. When it doesn't, he tries a new tactic.

"Want a cookie?" like cookies will help

He removes a dusty Oreo from his pocket and offers it to me. I laugh and shake my head. Jack throws it into the fish tank

"What's the matter?" Jack asks sliding closed to me so our thighs were touching

"I really thought that Astrid wanted me back."

"What's so special about her? I mean, can she make you puke?"

"Not like you can." I puff up his ego

"Nah! So so what, then?"

"Do you really want to know, Jack?"

"Yeah!"

"I love her."

"Why?" Jack frowned speaking in a voice like acid

"I don't know. She... she sends me texts, and brings me wine. She's very romantic. She can be very sweet sometimes."

Jack smiles for a moment before pretending to be sick over the floor

"Belch! I've never heard anything so disgusting in all my life! Belch! Romance? Ble-ech! Oh, what's this?" He picks a poster up off the floor

"It's one of Astrid's posters for her wine spitting party."

"Oh, will Astrid be there?"

"Yeah."

"Well, let's go!"

"No, I can't go alone." I say bowing my head in embarrassment

"That's alright, I'll come with you. I'll be your date!"

"That's really nice, but no thanks"

I look at the clock. The time changes to 2.21 a.m. and I sneak past Jack who's sleeping upside down from the ceiling. Assuming he's asleep, I slip out of the apartment. Jack opens an eye and grins.

I was walking down a dock towards Fishlegs' River Condominium

"Fishlegs? Fishlegs!" I yell/whispered

Fishlegs opens the door

"Fishlegs, I need your help."

"You need my help at three in the morning?"

I try to step inside, but Fishlegs pushed me out

"What is with your hair? Is this a Stoic lookalike contest?"

"I got his note, not from Astrid, from Jack Frost."

"What? Who? Frost bite?" Fishlegs asked not catching anything I was saying

"Jack Frost is this imaginary friend that I had as a child, and he's back. He's back." _ God I am a loon_

"I hear you knocking but you can't come in."

"Fishlegs?" I whine

"Ruffnut is in there! No, you can't-"Fishlegs stuttered

Hiccup steps inside regardless

"You can't stay long." Fishlegs sighed giving in

"Fishlegs, suddenly he's there, he's everywhere, and only I can see him. He's driving me crazy. It's... it's like he's my best friend and yet I'm scared to death of him!"

"Wait a minute, I thought I was your best friend?" he pouted

"You are." I assure him

"And not just because I'm visible, right?"

"Fishlegs? Are you coming back?" Ruffnut yells from Fishlegs bed room

"I'll be right up, Ruff." He turns to me and smirks "She's such an animal."

"You mean she goes all night?"

"No, what do you think I mean? She shits in the corner? She eats with her paws? You can't stay here."

"But if someone else could just see Jack then I'd know I'm not going crazy." _ I need to know_

"Well, is he here now?"

We both look around the room

"No." I shook my head

"Good, cause I was going to say if he is, I can't see him."

"Fishlegs, if I go home he's bound to be there."

"You can't stay here though."

"I can't go home!"

Fishlegs sighed in defeat "Oh, alright, stay the night."

"Thank you, thank you!" I grovel

"Ruffnut is here one night a month, you had to pick tonight?"

He hits me playfully and goes back upstairs

I when to sleep on the couch, noticing the scissors on the table near my heard before drifting off.

*(Dream)*

"Wake up! Wake up," Jack shakes my bed trying to wake five year old me up "look what I've done! Hiccup! Wake up, look! Fishbone wake up!"

*(End dream)*

(V.O. of Jack) "Wake up!"

"Wake up!" Fishlegs raises her voice at me "What, are you shedding? Did you do this to yourself?"

I feel his hair and groans. The bottom of my plat had been cut off

"Jack Frost did it." I sigh

"He was here?" Fishlegs glanced around and I notice that Ruffnut was there too

"Am I missing something? Is this a guyish... thing?" Ruffnut asks Fishlegs

"It's a creative visualization. He has an imaginary friend." Fishlegs rationalises

"Oh. I never had imaginary friends. Just dirty dreams." Ruff grins

She began kissing Fishlegs' neck

'You kiss your mother with that mouth, Ruff?" Fishlegs turns to me "I'm going to be at work till lunch, then I'll be back. "

"Okay" I nod freaking out over my hair. I shake my head and a flop of hair falls over my eyes (so basically the hair he has in the movie)

"Right." Fishlegs and Ruffnut leave. I walk over to a mirror and examine myself

Out on the dock I could not hear Fishlegs and Ruffnut walking up the dock

"That is a very strange young lad." Ruffnut commented to Fishlegs

"Well, he's going through a difficult time right now and he's a friend of mine." Fishlegs defends his friend

"Well, look, I'm not criticizing."

"Yes you are criticizing!"

"No, I'm just describing what I saw."

"No, everybody has strange friends. Even you must."

"But all mine are alive." She snorts

"That's not saying much."

Back inside the condominium. I stand looking at the water with a cup of coffee. I watch a speedboat drive past

"Astrid? Astrid!" I yell waving to catch her attention; the boat keeps driving past "ASTRID!"

I run inside and upstairs to the bridge of the boat

"It's... it's got to be her. Looks just like our boat." I note the shape colour and familiarity of the boat

I grab a pair of binoculars and follow the boat

"I think that's her!" I yell

Jack appears in front of the binoculars wearing a bright blue and silver pirate costume

"PIRATES!" he yelled in my face

I scream and drop the binoculars

Jack ran inside, I am now trying to steer the boat towards Astrid

"I love playing pirates!" Jack grinned at me

"Hi Jack" I said dismissively

"Hi!"

"Jack?"

"What?"

"Don't touch anything!" I say watching him eye the controls

"Sure." _Yeah, sure_

"Okay."

"This is going to be great! We'll sail the seven seas!" Jack made a large hand gesture

"Yeah" I say absently

"We'll put on eye patches! "

"Yeah" I say in auto pilot

"We'll cut off our legs and glue on wooden ones!"

"Yeah."

"But I can't touch anything?" he waved at the controls with both hands

"No."

"Aw..." He… well, awed

"Okay?" _do you understand?_

"Yeah, sure, sure. I'll just touch that one, then." He reaches forward to press a button on the control panel, but I slap his hand away

"No, no, no!"

"Okay, I won't touch that one then. I'll touch that one."

"Jack! Nothing!"

"It's okay; I am the pirate who doesn't touch anything!" Jack says dramatically unenthusiastically

"That's right." I nod staring after the small boat

"Except that one" He reaches forward quickly and pushes a button. A loud beeping noise starts

"Whoa-oh!" Jack yells excitedly

"Fred?" I yell angrily

"What?"

"What did you just touch?" I said like when an adult speaks to a child who has done something wrong

"Nothing, I didn't touch anything." Shaking his head back and forth he denied all responsibility

"What did you touch?" I repeat

"Just the little red one, it doesn't do anything!" Jack tried to convince me

"Jack!"

"The engine's broken, that's all! I'll go and fix the engine; you keep a look out, captain Hiccup." He moves to leave, then thinks of something and leans back in

"AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!"

I watch the speedboat rushing away from Fishlegs' condominium.

"Jack, she's getting away!"

With Jack down in the engine room

"What? Faster? Okie-dokie!" He smashes the engine

I hear some crashing and the danger light is now flashing. I try the off switch a few times but nothing happens. Sparks fly out of the engine.

Back with Jack who is now 'guiding' the boat after Astrid

"This way! This way, boat! Captain Jack's in charge!"

A pipe bursts in the engine room, water begins flooding the boat. Jack's cart wheeling across the roof of the boat

"Drown the fishes! Keel hauls the pirates!" Water suddenly sprays up beneath him. Jack grabs a rope and climbs up to me

"What is that water doing there?" he complains

"What water?" my eyes widen at the mention of misplaced water

"THAT WATER!" he gestures in a general direction

"I don't know. What are your thoughts?" He shrugs and almost falls off the rope "Man the lifeboats!"

The river condominium was slowly disappearing into the water. Me, completely saturated, waddling down a corridor of an office building. I stop outside an office and gestured to Fishlegs through the window.

"Excuse me for a moment, won't you?" Fishlegs excuses himself

He walks out to meet me outside

"Now what's happened?"

"I have some bad news for you." I look at the tiled floor

"More?" he asked exasperated

"Well, remember your house?" I ask hesitantly

"Yeah..."

I hesitate and stutter out "It sank."

"WHAT?" he exploded

"I... I didn't mean for it... Jack Frost... just... he was way out of control.

"What, do you think I have an imaginary friend clause in my boat insurance?"

"Fishlegs, I am so sorry."

"Everything I own was on that boat!"

"Well, it's all still there; it's just not so near the... top of the water. You always tell me to look on the bright side of things." I try to help

"And what would that be in this particular situation?"

I notice something and pull Fishlegs to the window

"There he is!" I stare in the room

"Ruffnut?"

"No, no!" I shook my head

"Not?" he didn't finish his question

"Yes." I confirm

Inside the office where Jack Frost is sitting in Fishlegs' chair, wearing a Blue and white business suit. He waves frantically to me

"...now, now about the silverware service which is a complete mystery to me, but obviously was completely ruined. Any response? "Ruffnut speaks to the room

"He's waving at us." I grab Fishlegs' wrist and wave with it

"Wave or he might do something really awful! Hi!'

"What's he doing now?"

"Nothing yet."

Back inside the office

"Okay, do it to them, Ruffnut." He points to someone at the table, and draws his finger across his throat

"Ladies and gentlemen, I think it's time we got down to specifics, don't you?" Ruffnut says in an authoritarian ton

"Specifics, don't you?" Jack mocks

Ruffnut pauses to rub her nose; Jack leans in her face to see

"It's gone, it's gone." Jack nodded

"He's just sitting in your chair. Do you see him?" I say to Fishlegs

"No. But that won't stop me from killing the little bastard." Fishlegs marches right into the room

"...but we have an item we'd like you to see." Ruffnut continued, Jack laughs "The police report. The damage to the room was incredible."

Fishlegs walks up and drags his chair back a few steps back from the table

"Excuse me, gentlemen." He says he looks down the chair and smiles, thinking Jack Frost is younger when he is the same age as them. Jack looks down at his lap and smirks

"Hello, sweetheart," He says in a sweet voice "aren't you a cute little thing?" and he starts to talk to everyone else "I'm just going to borrow this. I'll be back in a second." he wheels the chair outside. Jack sees me and hops off

"Hey, Fishbone!"

Fishlegs stops the chair and wraps his hands around an invisible neck

"Have I got him?" Fishlegs asks me

Jack takes my head and nods it. Fishlegs begins fighting with the air, slapping and knocking it to the ground before jumping on top of it. His co-workers step out of the meeting to see what he's doing

"What are you doing, Mr Cherouix?" Ruffnut asks, her and the rest of the office including the rooms around the corridor came to watch this show

"I'm running for congress, what it looks like I'm doing?" he yells at her

He removes a shoe and pounds the ground with it

"But there's nobody there." Ruff looks at him like he's mad

"That's because he's invisible, idiot!" he then addresses 'Jack' "Die! That's for the boat! And THAT'S for ruining the one SCHTOOP I get a month when Murray's WIFE is out of town!" he stops, realizing he has just exposed his boss to adultery. He slips his shoe back on and walks back into the office

"It's very hot in here, isn't it?" He says walking back into the office with what little dignity he had left

A/n: that's it for now

I'll see you all when I write again, and does anyone have any idea what it's like in a court room? I might be going to jail, so yeah

Oh and I might change it to jacks pov every now and again

Leave a comment or review please (on either subject)


	7. Chapter 7

Hiccup's Pov

We were in clothes shop. I am going through racks of tuxedos while Jack looks up mannequin's skirts. Finding nothing, he sighs and turns to me

"Oh, this is stupid! We ought to be in a shop that sells harpoons and, and nets, and hammers!" Jack yells

"What for?"

"Well, then we could harpoon Astrid straight through the head, drag her back to the apartment, and hit her with the hammer till she agrees to come back!" like duh

"Harpoon him through the head?" I look at him like he just told me his name is Jack

"Yeah, it's a brilliant plan!"

"It's not going to work, Jack"

"Why not? Well how many times have you tried it?"

"Look, we're not five anymore!"

"I know... "

I pull a slinky purple tux from the rack

"This would be good for the wine gala."

"Yeah, it looks like a big bruise."

I remove the hanger then check my watch

"I'm going to be late for my lunch."

"Who are you having lunch with?"

_**Jack's pov**_

"An old friend." He says and I grin "And I don't mean you. You're not invited." he walks away to the changing rooms

"Why not? We always do everything together!" rejection sinks in

I watch from outside the Italian restaurant. Hiccup and some guy are sitting at a table together

"It's a nice place, this is a great place." I hear this guy say and as he talks to Hiccup I feel an acid like feeling in my stomach

"Yeah, this is Astrid's favourite restaurant." Hiccup looked down pensively

"Oh. You cut your hair!" for your information I cut it

"Yeah, Astrid's is going to hate it." Fuck ostridge, I'm here now, let's go have fun

"Oh no, you look beautiful. Look, just relax, let's have a nice lunch." Ugh, what a complete and utter girl

"Okay." And of course Hiccup agrees with him, that's it

I suddenly appear on the table

"Hi! What's happening?" I say looking at Hiccup and look around to see mystery man

"Oh no, toothy growlkins! Who let him grow up?" really I though hiccup had better taste and he always liked blue eyes better, like mine

"Go away!" Hiccup growls at me

"What?" Toothy looks strait through me

"I'm sorry." Don't apologise for nothing Hiccy where's my Hiccy the one who loved to break the rules and wasn't afraid to stand up and yell

"No, no, no. look, don't apologize." Damn right "I love being with you. I love the way you cut your hair. I love the way you sink houseboats!" Toothless went on complimenting MY best friend

"God, look at him. He's still talking about love. I always thought you should be a girl." I say to Toothless even though he can't hear me. I got off the table and crouched next to Hiccy

"You know, some people believe that you really never ever fall out of love." Toothless was staring at Hiccup a little too intensely for my liking

"Look, this isn't like when we were five, we're grown-ups now, so piss off!" I make the most childish get lost face to someone who can't see me. But hiccup ignored me completely, oh be smart Hiccy this man is completely and utterly smitten with you

"I'd like to know more about the grown-up Toothless Fury." Hiccup smiles tightly

"Okay, I ..." Toothless starts when Hiccup picked up his glass of water, but I grab his wrist and move it forward

"Well, uh, I know how much you hate the word divorce, but after mine I had to, you know, get back into the whole dating..."

I empty the glass over the table

"...game."

Hiccup set the glass down and tears his hand away, trying to look casual

"Yes, Toothless, go on." Hiccup encourages him, oh it's a game is it, alright then, let's have some fun.

"Yes, Toothy, go on." I mock waving over and empty table

"Okay, um... see that women over there?" Toothless continues

I lift Hiccups arm high up into the air

"Mm-hmm?" Hiccup hums a yes

"I dated her three or four..."

I grab Hiccup's wrist and move it above the table. I begin moving it around as if he's conducting music or dancing.

"...times. It was kind of funny, I didn't know whether I should, uh, hold her hand and walk down the street, or give her a kiss goodnight. I kind of felt like I was back in high school again!"

The hand gestures get wider and Hiccup knocks the glass off the table, breaking it on the floor

"Why did you do that?" Toothless looks at Hiccup a bit questioningly

"I didn't!" Hiccup says

"No, you did, because I saw you do that." Toothless points out

"Yes why did you do it?" I look at him with the same face as toothy

Hiccup looks at me and I nod and mouth "you"

"Oh, I did, didn't I? Uh, to get the waiter's attention?" Hiccup improv's

"Well, I don't think that works!" Toothless says with laughter in his voice

A waiter approaches with their meals

Toothless laughs out loud "Maybe that does work."

"Your lunch." The waiter says

He puts a plate in front of Hiccup

"And yours, sir." He gives Toothless his plate

"This table must be loose again." The waiter walks away

I grab the napkin off Hiccup's and pull it over his head. He struggles for a moment to get it off, when he finally does he notices Toothy staring at him

"Peek-a-boo?"

"Peek-a-boo, yeah, I play that with Natalie all the time." Toothless smiles sweetly and I don't like it

_**Hiccup's pov again because Jack got overly jealous**_

Jack laughs and grabs my plate, moving it towards my face

"Oh, yeah, mmm, smells good!" Toothless lifts his plate as if smelling it

"Mmm..." i glare at Jack and struggle to move the plate down. Finally I force it to the table, but my arms jerk back up at the last minute and my plate flies across the room

"Okay, why did you do that?" Toothless looks at me like I'm mad so I tell him the truth

"I'm crazy." I say weakly

"You are crazy in the most wonderful way!" he laughs "God! I wish I could be like that, I wish I could do those kinds of things!" he hesitates then grins "What the Hell?" He throws something gently and laughs before taking a handful of spaghetti and propelling it at a customer. A second waiter approaches

"Uh-oh!" Jack says hiding behind me

"You don't throw spaghetti in my restaurant!" the waiter who was carrying to spaghetti trays yells in a thick Italian accent

"Okay, okay, fine. You do it!" Toothless knocks the plates out of the waiter's hands

"You and this woman out of here!" The waiter yells out raged

"I like him a lot better than I used to!" Jack laughs from behind me

We were all outside, me walking out Jack following and Toothless is being forced out by two waiters

"Hey, take it easy, huh? It was a joke! Hey, you guys should really loosen up, you know!" Toothless laughs as the waiters let him go outside the restaurant and he turns to me "What is "penesca"?"

"My Tux." Which I had left in the restaurant

"Oh, I'll get it!" Toothless already going back

"No, Toothless!"

"No, I'd like to. What the Hell?" He tries to get back inside the restaurant "Uh, amigos?"

Jack jumps out at me, but i turn on my heels and storm away. He chases after me

"That was great, wasn't it? That make you feel better?" he yelled at me

I stop at a small concert. There is a group on the bandstand playing a classical tune. Dozens of people are gathered around in chairs to listen

"No! First you sink Fishlegs' houseboat, and look what you did in that restaurant. All you do is smash things up!"

"Yeah, well, what's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, except you're ruining my life!" A woman in the audience hushes me

"You know your problem? You're no fun anymore; you've turned into your Father." Jack glares at me accusingly

"You are so sick! You know what? I don't want an imaginary friend anymore." A young violinist in the band looks at me sceptically, but carries on playing"Do you see what you're doing to me? So you see me talking to myself? You're driving me crazy. Please just get out of my life."

"Alright, fine, I'm going and you're not going to see me again, ever." he waves, glaring at me "Bye."

Jack disappears. The music stops, and I look around, realizing I am the only one standing in the middle of the concert. I sit down. The music begins again, and I can hear a violin play hideously out of tune. I make what I am sure is a horrified look. In the bandstand, Jack is at the end where the young violinist stood before. I walk over slowly

"I asked you nicely..." I say Jack hushes me and nods towards the audience. I smack the violin out of his arms to the floor where it breaks. I carry on hitting him until I realize Jack is gone - I am publicly abusing the young violinist

"I'm... I'm so sorry! I'm..." I look around, confused

In the police station.

I, Stoic, the young violinist and two policemen are gathered, watching as Dad writes a cheque for the violin

"Playing such an expensive violin in a shopping mall?" Dad says to the violinist

I stand up and take my bag off the policewoman behind me

"Where? What?" Dad freaks out

"I was just getting my bag, I'm fine, Father."

"'I'm fine'? How can you say 'I'm fine' when you have absurd conversations with thin air?" He says staring at me

"Not thin air, Jack Frost." I argue

"Don't mention his name."

"Sorry, father." I whisper

"You may have Jack Frost, I have Dr. M. "

In a psychiatrists office

"DR M I Moon Room 106". The door opens and I step out

"Elizabeth, please have a seat outside. I need a word with your Father." Said doctor Moon

I went to the waiting room. I see many children and their parents waiting to be seen. All are roughly five or six. I am waiting by myself, feeling out of place. Jack walks in slowly and sits beside me

"I'm really sorry. I didn't know I was going to get you in so much trouble." he laughs, but I pay no attention to him "So what did the doctor say? Are you insane, or what?" I don't answer "What? They give you a lobotomy?" smart ass

I turn to the woman beside me, trying to read her magazine

"He's very good with children." The woman reassures me, I must look worried

"Oh."

"He's one of the country's leading experts in dealing with" she pauses and puts a stage whispers "imaginary friend syndrome. Your child has one, too, huh?"

"I don't have a child."

"Oh. Well, who's in there?"

"My Father."

"Oh. Uh, which one of you is the-"

"Me." The woman slouches back looking uncomfortable, like I told her I was a psycho killer

"Let's get out of here." Jack whispers to me

"I'll leave when I want to." I say in a harsh and cold voice

"Okay, fine." Says the woman thinking I was talking to her

"Okay, okay. I was just asking. I was just trying to be nice." he sighs and looks around the room. He sees all the children and parents, like I can, but he can also see that standing with each one is an imaginary friend. Recognizing them, he gets to his feet "Easter Kangaroo!" he screams

_**Jack's pov**_

"Frosty!" he screams "Punch me!" I punch him in the face. Bunny stumbles backwards

"Hey, hey." I pull back Bunny, and hit his nose

Sandy, noticing the commotion, comes over and stands in-between them

"Hey, Jack!" He signs and grabs my head and hits it with his own. I fall backwards

"Sandy!"

All three gather in a huddle and begin shaking their heads and making noises. I see Hiccup looking horrified and confused. He can only see me, alone, bent over nothing shaking my head around

"What are you doing?" He stares at me which is making me tingly

I sigh and look up "I am playing with my friends." I straighten myself, and move back into the huddle

North walks up behind them, a large balloon covering his face "Hey!"

All three jump around to see who's there

"Hey, Jacky!" he moves the balloon "Hi guys!"

All three groan "Aw, North!" we appear less than thrilled to see him

Holding out his balloon "Hey, Fred, hold this." North says

Jack reaches forward to take it, but North let's it go, and, with a rasp, it flies into the air. North bends double laughing, but no one else finds it funny

"Oh, ha, ha, ha. That's so Tooth Fairy."

"You called?" she appears on the staircase and hops down into the room

"Tooth!" we all yell

They all dance around in a circle "

"Hey, this is great! The whole gang's here! Let's have a sick contest!" I yell excitedly

We all pretend to vomit, our actions getting more and more ridiculous. We see children grinning, as they watch their imaginary friend pretend to be sick. They can't see the others, either

"Hey, watch this! Charge!" Sandy signs and runs towards Dr Moon's office and slams straight into the doors. He turns around to face the others. A beeping noise is heard, and his head explodes, leaving a poof of sand. We all begin to laugh and applaud

"Not bad, huh?" Sandy signs once he created a new head

The doors behind him open and he runs back to the group. Dr. Moon and Stoic walk straight out to the waiting room, and all the friends run and cower against the wall, leaving only me in the centre of the room. Noticing they have gone, I turn around and walk over to them.

"Let him take these after meals and before his bedtime." The doctor hands Stoic a bottle of green pills

"Are there any side effects?" Stoic asks

"No, no, none. They just neutralize that part of the brain which has malfunctioned."

"How did it come to this? He's regressed to where these children are." Stoic sighs "Hiccup!"

Hiccup and Stoic leave. I move to go after them

"Well, I've got to go, so I'll see you chickens later." I wave

The others run after me

"Oh, oh, Jack, Jack!" I stop when I hear north call me "Not the pills."

"Why not? What they do? Make you sick? Make you stupid? I'll take them, I'm Jack."

"You don't want to let him take the green ones." North say seriously

"Why not?"

"Remember Pitch?"

"Yeah?"

Sandy pulling a strip of skin at his throat off in the 'dead' motion "Krrrrck!"

Slicing my finger across my throat in the 'dead' motion "Krrrrck?"

Everyone repeated the motion "Krrrrck!"

"Heh, don't worry about me." I turn and walks after Hiccup, clearly worried. The others sigh and turns away.

_**Hiccup's pov **_

In my bedroom at dad's house. I am lying in bed and a large, intimidating nurse is standing over me, twiddling her thumbs. She moves out of the way as Stoic walks in with a tray of food

"Here we are. Now, I want you to eat all your vegetables."

"Yes." I say mindlessly

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, Father, thank you"

"That's better."

"We're going to be great friends, Mr. Haddock. I can see that." Says the nurse

Dad smiles at the two of us for a moment before the front doorbell rings

"I'll be right back." he steps out of the room to answer it

I begin eating a stalk of broccoli while the nurse places a napkin over me

"Now don't eat the napkin, dear. I've got a black belt, and I can break you like" she snaps her fingers "that. You're going to behave. Conscious, or unconscious, it's all the same to Me." she begins tucking down the edge of my blankets. Jack slides out from under the bed

"Ooh, I like her. She is good, she is awfully good!" he says grinning

"I'll be back in a moment with your pill." The nurse exits the room, closing the door

"I'll be back in a moment with your pill." Jack imitates before he realizes what she meant "Wait a minute! Those are the krrrck pills! Right, this is getting serious, I think we'd better get out of here."

A/n: rightio… that all for now

Remember you can look up the movie this is based on, it is on YouTube 'Drop Dead Fred' or you could use MEGASHARE either is cool


	8. Chapter 8

We hoped into Toothless' Truck. Jack is in the middle of Toothless, who is driving, and Me, who is fixing my hair for the party

"I believe you ordered this spaghetti?" he pulls out a piece of spaghetti

"I hate you." Jack glared at Toothless pronouncing each syllable

"Toothless, I am so sorry about that. I hope I didn't get you into too much trouble." I apologies

"No, look, it's okay. I mean, this has... it's all been great to me, and I'm sure you're going to look real beautiful in your dress tonight. I hope Astrid appreciates it." Toothless smiles at me green eyes sparkling.

"He's just a total and utter girl, isn't he?" Jack turns to me looking for an agreement but I am to busy combing my hair back "Oh this is great, stuck in a truck with two girls."

Toothless' truck pulled up outside a building. Jack is sitting in the back after being to close to femininity for his comfort zone.

"Micky, you're the best." I get out of the car and close the door "Thanks!"

"You know, I think I was six when we moved away. I remember getting in the car, pulling away, taking one last look at you, and thinking 'I'm never going to have fun with Hiccy again'.

"Toothless Fury..." I say in an aww like voice

"Don't you just hate it when you're right about the wrong things?"

"Let's go." Jack urges

"Thanks."

We run inside, and Toothless drives away.

At the party

"Fishbone, you are looking great!" I think I look alright, the purple contrasts to my eyes and the auburn of my hair

"I am?" I ask for reassurance

"Yeah. For a girl." He chuckles

"There she is." I point to a group of women tasting wine

"Is that her?" he points at Astrid

"Mm-hmm." I hum a yes

We watch as Astrid takes a sip of wine and then spits it out

"I thought she liked wine, why does she keep spitting it out? Where's she gone?" as I watched Jack in his rant we didn't notice Astrid stray from the group

"I don't know, come on." I lead him to look

"Right." He picks up the big brown staff he had resting on the ground

They begin walking around, trying to find Astrid again

"Jack, let's just behave ourselves, shall we?"

"Sure, sure, no problem." He nods dismissively

"Mm, grapes." I approach the waiter, dressed in a white robe, held together by a pin of fake fruit, holding a silver tray of grapes. I take one off the tray and walk away.

"Mm, grapes!" Jack takes the pin and walks away. The waiter's robe falls off, and he is wearing nothing underneath. He bends over, trying to pick up the robe.

"Can someone grab a hold of his?" he offers the plater to passer-byers

I glare at Jack accusingly

"What? What? why do I always get the blame? Look, you've got the grape. Look, he did it everyone, the lad with the grape!" he grabbed my arm and held it up so everyone can see the grape. I pull it down and walk away, still looking for Astrid

"Where is she?"

"I don't know." I answer Jack lookinh over the crowd

"Don't worry, I'll find Ostrige for you. Wait here." He crawls across the floor on his back, trying to find Astird "Assy? Assy? Ass-" he stops as he crawls underneath a young man's legs, he was wearing a kilt. His eyes bulge out of his head "No Boxxers! No panties! [steam comes out of his ears]

Elizabeth: [clearly annoyed and embarrassed, mouths the words 'get up, get up', but Fred's eyes are elsewhere. She walks over, trying to get him to stop.] Fred, get up!

Fred: [shooing her] Go away, go away!

Elizabeth: [bent over him] Get up!

[The woman, Annabella, turns around, looking at Elizabeth questioningly. Elizabeth, touches the hem of her dress and smiles]

Elizabeth: Oh, I was just admiring your dress. The material. It's so pretty, slinky.

Annabella: [flattered] Ooh, it's pretty neat.

Elizabeth: Yeah, it looks really good on you.

Annabella: It feels good. I like yours, yours is nice. It's very... purple.

[Charles walks over and kisses her cheek]

Charles: Annabella...

[Elizabeth looks shocked, and realizes who she has been talking to.]

Annabella: Honey, there you are.

Charles: [recognizing Elizabeth] Elizabeth! [admiring her My God...

[Annabella looks shocked, and realizes who she has been talking to. No one seems to know what to say]

Fred: That's him! Well, don't just stand there! Go on! Go on, kiss him! [he pushes Elizabeth forward, into Charles' arms]

Annabella: You said she was mousy!

Elizabeth: [pulling away] I'm sorry, excuse me. [she runs away]

Fred: Well, don't go, it's going great! [he looks in-between them, and finally chases after Elizabeth]

Charles: Are you okay?

Annabella: I think so?

Charles: Yeah?

Annabella: Yeah... [she nuzzles him, but Charles is looking after Elizabeth]

[Cut to Elizabeth's apartment. She is in the bathroom taking abuse from Fred outside in the hall.]

Fred: I can't believe we left the party so soon. There was all that wine to spit around the place! We didn't even get to play Spin The Bottle!

Elizabeth (V.O.): I got upset!

Fred: [mimicking her] I got upset! [sighs] God, you're so stupid! You neve rleave a party 'til the very, very end!

Elizabeth: [opens door] Oh, really?

Fred: Yes, really.

Elizabeth: Cinderella left her party early, remember what happened with her?

Fred: No, I don't remember what happened with her. I deliberately forgot everything about her, she made me puke! I remember the ugly sisters, they were great!

[The apartment door opens and Charles steps in]

Elizabeth: You're here.

Charles: Can I tell you something?

Elizabeth: What?

Charles: You look fabulous.

Elizabeth: I do?

Charles: Darling, you need me.

Elizabeth: I do.

Charles: To protect you.

Elizabeth: From what?

Charles: [picking her up Honeymoon Style] Men. Like me.

Elizabeth: [laughs] Oh, Charles let-

Charles: No, no, no, no, no. No talk. Just kiss.

[They kiss and move back into the bedroom. Fred rubs his hands in glee and moves to follow them in, but the door closes on his face. Offguard, he falls the the floor, clutching his nose.]

[Cut to the bedroom. Elizabeth and Charles are lying cosily on the bed, kissing. They hear a noise outside. Charles sits up]

Charles: What was that?

Elizabeth: [sighs] It's Fred.

Charles: Fred?

[They hear the noise again, someone is trying to unlock the door of the apartment]

Charles: What? Did you give this Fred a key? [shouting to 'Fred'] Hey, Fred? I'm home now, it's Charles, Lizzie's husband.

[The noise sounds again]

Charles: [to Elizabeth] Is he the violent type?

Elizabeth: Only with me.

Charles: Jesus!

[Cut to Charles sneaking out of the bedroom. He finds a frying pan in the kitchen and examines it]

Charles: Who does this man think he is, playing around with a married woman?

[The door opens and a figure sneaks in, arms outstretched. They begin to move towards the bedroom, where Elizabeth sits, watching nervously. Suddenly, Charles leaps in front of them and smacks them hard with the frying pan. The figure slumps to the floor, unconcious. Polly turns on the light from the door, and we can see the figure was really the nurse.]

Charles: Polly! Hi!

Polly: What did you do? [she taps the nurse's hand gently] Hello?

[Cut to the Nurse leaving the apartment with an ice-pack to her head, Polly and Charles are arguing behind her.]

Charles: Dangerous? I am not dangerous. Now, don't worry, I can take care of this Drop Dead Fred.

Polly: Well, if you think you can handle it. [she hand shim the pills] Oh, but Charles, she is just a child.

Charles: Well, I'm a grown-up, Polly.

[Cut to Elizabeth on the sofa. Charles places the pills on the coffee-table beside her, then pulls her into his arms]

Charles: Now, where were we?

[They begin to kiss. Fred walks over, watching]

Fred: Yleh! What did that taste like?

[Elizabeth elbows him in the chest]

Elizabeth: Charles, I have to talk to you about something, it's kind of important.

Charles: [patronizing] Well, of course it is.

[They kiss again. Charles removes Elizabeth's housecoat. Fred bends down, examining Charles' crotch]

Fred: You're not going to get that out, are you?

Elizabeth: Not now!

Charles: Not now?

Elizabeth: No, I mean now. Now.

Charles: Now.

Elizabeth: Now...

[they lower themselves onto the sofa, kissing again]

Fred: Hang on! No, no! Hang on! This isn't how the pigeons do it! You're supposed to stamp on her head and peck her!

Elizabeth: Oh, Charles!

Charles: Oh, Annabella!

Fred: What?

Elizabeth [pushes him off] What?

Charles: What? What happened?

Elizabeth: You just said, 'Annabella'.

Charles: No, I didn't!

Fred: Yes, you did!

Elizabeth: Yes, you did!

Fred: You said, 'oh, Annabella'!

Elizabeth: You said, 'oh, Annabella'.

Charles: That's, that's impossible!

Fred: It was you.

Elizabeth: Charles, I heard you. You said 'Annabella'.

Charles: Well, if I said, 'oh Annabella', isn't it better that I said 'oh Annabella' and I was here with you, than to say 'Oh Lizzie', and be somewhere else with Annabella?

[Fred and Elizabeth contemplate this]

Elizabeth: Yeah...

[They begin to kiss again]

Fred: Oh, I know what you're doing! You're going to do what he did to Annabella on the sofa!

Elizabeth: Don't say things like that now, Fred!

Charles: Lizzie, I think it's time to say goodbye to your friend.

[He places a green pill in her mouth and they begin to kiss again]

Fred: Hey! Hey, listen, I'm Drop Dead Fred, right? If your stupid husband thinks he can get rid of me with one of those stupid little green pills, he's got another thing coming. I've got-

[He stops, clutching his stomach in pain. He drops to the floor]

Fred: Well, thank you very much, dear friend.

[Fade to the bedroom, we see Elizabeth's reflection in the mirror]

Elizabeth: Charles!

[Charles steps in front of the mirror, straightening his tie. Elizabeth runs up behind him and hugs him]

Elizabeth: Oh! You look so handsome!

Charles: Lizzie, come on, now, don't do that.

Elizabeth: You have to do it this way! [she hugs him from the front]

Charles: I've got a long day...

[She pulls him away from the mirror, and we see Fred lying where Elizabeth was]

Fred: I don't like him.

[Cut to the bathroom, Elizabeth is watching Charles shave. She takes the razor off him to help, but he grabs it back]

Charles: No, no, no... that scares me.

Fred: Go on, cut his throat! Krrrrck! Go on!

[Elizabeth glares at him and takes another pill]

[Cut to Janie power-walking. Elizabeth runs up behind her]

Elizabeth: Janie, what's the news?

Janie: Wait, just wait until my endorsine's kick in.

Elizabeth: Janie!

Janie: You know, the body's natural morphine? Here it comes...

Elizabeth: Oh, God...

Janie: Here it comes! Oh, the aerobic rush. Now ask me.

Elizabeth: What's the big news?

Janie: [hands her a slip of paper] Have you ever seen so many zeroes outside of the National Debt?

Elizabeth: Janie! Who would have thought that barge was worth so much?

Janie: Oh, not a barge, it's a River Condiminium. And I never knew they were worth so much until mine finally sank. Is this not a total groove? You've got Charles back, and I've got all those lovely round zeroes. Our lives have worked out! Thank you Drop Dead Fred!

Elizabeth: Oh, don't waste your breath. I'm phasing him out.

Janie: Really?

Elizabeth: Yeah.

Janie: Mm.

[Cut to Fred lying under the table, listening to Elizabeth and Charles' conversation. He looks terrible. His face is pale and drawn, even his close have lost their colour.]

Charles: What's for dinner?

Elizabeth: Your favourite.

Charles: Beef Wellington, how nice.

[Charles pours out wine]

Elizabeth: To us.

Charles: To us.

[They drink to the toast]

Elizabeth: For you, my love.

[Elizabeth removes the platter cover, revealing a hot and bubbling plate of mud. A bubble bursts and mud sprays over Charles' trousers]

Charles: What the Hell is that?

Elizabeth: Mud Pie... [she tries to laugh]

Charles: Is that supposed to be a joke?

Elizabeth: Fred!

Charles: [jumps up, grabbing a cloth to clean himself] It's him, or me, Elizabeth!

Elizabeth: [panicking] It's you! It's you! I swear, Fred is gone! You know what? I'll make, I'll make a dinner salad!

Charles: Forget it.

Elizabeth: Oh, I'll make a lovel salad!

Charles: Lizzie!

Elizabeth: Please? Please, it will be the most romantic, wonderful, romantic, romantic salad.

Charles: A romantic dinner salad?

Elizabeth: Yeah. Okay?

Charles: Okay.

Elizabeth: Here I go, I'm making it!

[She runs around the kitchen rounding up the ingrediants while Charles storms into the bedroom]

Elizabeth: Oh, it's going to be so good! And, honey, if you can just leave those pants, I'll take them to the drycleaners tomorrow. You're never going to hear from Fred again, I promise!

[Cut to the almost finished salad. Elizabeth scrapes some chopped vegetables into the salad bowl and moves to the refridgerator to get some dressing. Fred is sitting inside.]

Fred: Snotface, he's the wrong man for you.

Elizabeth: I don't want to hear it!

Fred: You're not happy.

[She closes the refridgerator door]

Elizabeth: Yes I am.

Fred: [crawling from underneath the table] Well, if you're so happy, then why am I still here, hmm?

Elizabeth: I can fix that.

[She pulls out the almost empty bottle of pills]

Fred: Oh no, don't do that. No, please, don't do that. Do-

[Elizabeth takes a pill, and Fred doubles over in pain. Elizabeth turns her attention back to the salad, grinding in some pepper. Suddenly, she sneezes, and Fred flies back, bouncing against the wall and finally landing on top of the wall of the bedroom, where he can hear Charles on the telephone]

Charles: Darling, yeah, of course I still love you, Annabella. Hey, I'm your fellah, Annabella, yeah!

Fred: Snotface, come here.

Elizabeth: I don't hear you!

Fred: It's important. He's worse than the Megabeast!

Elizabeth: That's it. That's it! I'm taking the last pill!

Fred: No!

Elizabeth: The Goodbye Pill!

Fred: No, don't do that!

[He tries to stop her, and falls off the wall. Elizabeth hesitates, seeing he is hurt.]

Fred: Just look in there, please?


	9. Chapter 9

On the front porch.

Toothless is standing with his foot inside Stoic's house trying to reason with him. He is holding the package for Hiccup's Tux

"No, I know Mr. Haddock, but this will only take just one minute-"Toothless tries to reason with him

"No, no, no, no. There is no possible way that anyone can see her." Stoic denies all reason

"Yeah, I know, 'cause he's so crazy, but-"

"Yes! Yes, crazy! Tomas, take your foot out of my door."

"Oh, I-"he moves his foot and Stoic slams the door shut in his face. He grins, and looks around before settling on the porch chair.

Back to Hiccup and Jack.

I am still in bed, trying to ignore Jack, while he is trying to pull me out

"Come on! Fishbone, let's go!" he gives up "Look, I am getting fed up of this! It's getting dangerous! There are two of them now, and they've got pills! Look, they're turning you into another one of them. I mean, you've started already. You picked up a piece of broccoli and put it in your mouth, and went, 'ooh, what a lovely piece of broccoli!' I can't believe it, it's beyond disgusting!" He sits down on the bed beside me "Fishbone, please help? Come on... Look, do you remember when your mum picked up the Spaz and threw him out the window?"

"That never happened." I shot down his attempt at cheering me up

"No, didn't happen though, but you wanted it to though, didn't you? Yeah, so did I... You remember? Hmm? Remember?"

_**Hiccup's memory**_. (6 years old)

Stoic is cutting my hair to be even; obviously the morning after Jack cut it off.

"Hiccup, you have made a mess of your beautiful hair! The time has come when we don't want to hear the words 'Jack Frost' ever again. Don't you agree Val?" Stoic says looking at my mum

Looking up from her newspaper "About what?"

"This Jack frost business!" he sighed

Val moves her newspaper, accidentally pushing an open box of cornflakes to the floor.

"Sorry, Sto."

"Stand still. I'll clean it later." Stoic says pulling me back after I tried to grab the falling box

"Can I have some cereal?" I ask with obvious attitude

"May I have some cereal? Yes you may in just a minute. We don't eat food off the floor." Dad corrected me

"Honey, why do you call him Jack Frost?" Mum asks me

"Because that's his name, Mummy, and Jack Frost is going to teach me how to cook today. I'm going to need flour and sugar and honey and vodka and a pair of your pants. We're making Pants Pie. Ouch!" I yell in pain as dad yanks my hair hard

"Vodka and pants pie. God knows what else." Stoic complains

"He's only a kid, Sto." Mum said walking to the window

"Mummy, how about we throw daddy out the window? It won't hurt him, he'll land right in the gradiolas!" I grin

Mum tickles me "You shouldn't say things like that about your Father!" whispering as he walks away "he might cut your head off."

"Very funny, Hiccup. Sometimes I think I don't love you as much as I used to." Dad says leaning down to pick up my left over hair

"Jack Frost does." I say to him

"No more Jack Frost! Period!" he straitens up with all the mess in his hands

I look down as Dad walks away. I then cheer up and hop off the chair.

"Hi Jack!" I yell to him

"Well, you're wrong you know, 'cause I don't love you, 'cause I don't love anyone, 'cause loves for girls and girls are dis-gust-ing! So I'm a loner, I'm a crazy, wide-eyed loner on a doomed space mission to Venus to battle with the three headed Aztec Spaz! But on the way there, I caught Cornflakes Disease!" He opens his jacket, and cornflakes spray out, covering me "Pants Pie can't save me now! The only thing that can save me is a Mud Pie! Yeah, come on!"

I take an expensive looking china dish from Dad's cabinet and place it on the kitchen table. Jack climbs in the window with an armful of mud

"Here it comes, take the lid off." He says straining to hold the load of mud

"Okay." I remove the lid

"Here it comes." he dumps the mud more or less on the dish

"Wow! My first real Mud Pie!" I squeal excitedly

"Yeah, but it's not ready yet, we need lots of other things. We need cornflakes ..." he picks a glass off the table and pours it into the mud "orange juice. Beautiful!"

I push an entire bowl of cornflakes into the mud

"That's lovely!" Jack smiles at me

"It's so fun!" I throw another bowl of cornflakes in

Jack starts pouring tea into the mud "Tea? Tea," then drops the whole teapot in "Lots of tea!"

"Sugar?" I ask not really knowing the recipe

"Yeah!" Jack nods

I pour in a dish of sugar

"Oh, that's good, that's good!"

"Here." I hand him a jug of milk

"That's good, milk, yeah!" he pours it in "There's the milk. Good! Lots and lots of milk! Lovely!" He makes eating noises "Right, but it's... it's not, but it's still too pretty, you see. It needs something... I know."

He takes the jack-in-the-box off the table and begins to turn the handle. When the toy doesn't pop up right away, he forces the lid open and pulls the toy out, placing it on top of the Mud Pie

"There! That's great, you see, when something's not working right, the best thing is to tear it apart to make it better." Jack nods at me asking if I understand

"Yeah." I nod back

"Elizabeth? Are you behaving in there?" dad calls from the kitchen

Jack and I huddle together, obviously scared of him

"I'm not afraid of the Spaz." Jack puffs out his chest

"I'm not, either, and when he comes in here, we'll make him eat up all this mud!" more confident in my words than Jack

"Yeah! And then we'll cut his head off!"

"With scissors!" I provide the weapon

"And then we'll make him eat it!"

"Make him eat his own head?" I ask

"Yeah!" Jack yells excited

"With what?"

"Oh yeah... well, I'll eat his head then." Jack jump up

"And I'll eat the rest of her!"

"Yeah! And then we'll get up" he stands up on the table "and we'll pooh her all over the table, 'cause we're not afraid of anything!"

"Yeah! Yeah! Ye-eah!" we both yell high fiving

"Hiccup?" Stoic called on his way from the kitchen

"Quick, hide!" Jack yells frightened

I try to open the jack-in-the-box

"Quick, Hiccup! Hurry up! Hurry up!" he urges

I hold the lid open for Jack

"Okay!" he leaps inside, and I close the lid

Stoic walks into the dining room and gasps, staring at the mess on the table

"What is wrong with you? You've been playing with him, haven't you? Where is he?" he takes the jack-in-the-box off me

I try to get it back "No! Don't take him away! Don't take him away from me!"

"Oh, so that would make you cry, huh? Well now I know what to do." he walks away with the toy

"No! Give me him! Don't! Don't take him away from me!" I cry tears running down my small face

The jack-in-the-box was lying on the hall table. Mum is holding me on the stairs. Dad walks in with a roll of sticky tape

He held the tape to Mum "Val, do it."

"No, I won't. I don't want anything to do with it, it's not right." She said to dad

"Alright, I'll do it." he begins to tape the toy closed mum pus me down on the stairs and walks to dad

"It's not right." She yelled

"What would you know about raising a child?" Stoic yelled back obviously hurting Mum's feelings

Mum looks in-between Hiccup and Stoic "Apparently nothing." she grabs her jacket and car keys before storming out the house. She never came back after that.

"Hiccup, if you ever touch this again, I'm going to throw it in the trash, and do you know what will happen next? He will be crushed to death."

He walks upstairs to hide it. I wipe my cheek, sigh, and walk to the dining room, where I begin cleaning up the cornflakes.

A few weeks later I wrote Jack a note in green crayon.

(Hiccup V.O.) "Dear Jack Frost, you were my only friend, but he took you away from me. I know I'll see you again someday."

_**End memory **_(Jack reading Hiccup the note he wrote all those years ago)

"'If you come back, I promise we'll run away together.' You see that? Pro-mise. I found that when I was hiding in the stupid garden shed." Jack says shoving the note in my face

I look at the note "That's right, that's where I hid it. But you never answered it."

Jack takes the note back

"You just disappeared. And when you did, all the ... the life, and um, spirit... and, uh..." I say trying to hold in a sob and keep the tears at bay

"Jack?" He supplies and I sob as the tears roll free

"Yeah! Jack! Just... went out of me. Oh, I should have never let my Father know how much he could hurt me. When he knew how, he knew that he could do it all the time. And he did. I never showed him my real feelings again." I say calming a bit as I explained

"So?" Jack says

"So?" what does he want now?

"So now can we run away? Please?" Jack smiles at me and I smile back

"Where to?" I Grin

"To the party! To the Astrid party!"

"Yeah!" I giggle

"Yeah?" Jack smiles widely getting excited

"Yeah!" I yell

"Yeah!" he yells excitedly

Jack and I are sneaking down, trying to escape without Dad hearing us. We look around to make sure no one is about.

"Okay, let's go, let's go!" Jack whispers

I walk over to the table to get the keys; I don't notice the vase of flowers I'm standing beside

"Oh no! Gradiolas!" those stupid flowers

I begin to twitch, about to sneeze

"No, no, NO!" Jack yells willing me not to sneeze

I sneeze anyway, and Jack flies back up the staircase, then falls back down and lands painfully on his back. Stoic walked out. Jack sees him and inches up the stairs.

"Where do you think you're going?" Dad asks me

"I'm going." I say strongly

"No, you're not, you're staying."

"No, Father, this time I'm definitely going."

I move to the door, but the nurse steps out in front of it. I try to move past her, but she blocks my way. They force me back to my bedroom, Jack is already inside. The door bursts open, and the nurse pushes me in

"Goodnight, flake!" the nurse closes the door

"Yeah, well, we're not scared of you, fatso!" Jack tries to play off as the macho man and turns to me "Come on, we'll go out the window. Come on, I'm really good at this. Stand back." he hits his head against the window, trying to break it. He tries again, harder, and knocks himself to the floor

"Wait a minute." I grab my phone and broke the window with it "I love those breaking noises. Let's go, come on."

I step out of the window. Toothless is standing on the tree nearby, having tried to climb up to see me.

"Hey, door to window service!" I think I love him, keyword think

"Toothless! Could you give me a lift?" I plead with puppy dog eyes

"Absolutely, come on!" he gestures for me to hop on to the tree branch

"Hey, wait for me!" Jack yells stuck in the window

A/n: were getting somewhere now. Just to inform you this is Hijack, it will happen at the end but there are hints here and there.


End file.
